Thought it was perhaps time to talk about the layout of my blog. I took one of the templates and modified it by using one of my own photographs from my collection. There were a lot of such pictures to chose from. I’m sort of obsessed with pictures of a road that stretches to the horizon. Why? Because life for me is like a constant journey. We’re always moving between places. Of course, the most obvious metaphor is that of life and death – we are born into this world, and we are slowly but surely walking towards our ultimate destiny, death.
Given that, then life is generally absurd and has no meaning, since we have no control over our own destiny. We’re on a boat and we can’t alter its course. And we’re all on the same boat. Sorry, I just had to throw that in! Ok, I’ll be cheap and throw in some Shakespeare I copied from James’ blog too.
“Life’s but a walking shadow, a poor player
That struts and frets his hour upon the stage
And then is heard no more. It is a tale
Told by an idiot, full of sound and fury,
Signifying nothing.”
-Macbeth
A coincidence that James likes this part too, but I used to worship these few lines. Shakespeare was way ahead of his time.
I’m not a pessimist. Quite the opposite. You see, my thinking is that since the destination is set for us already, why not sit back and enjoy the ride? Who knows what we’ll encounter during our travels? The journey won’t last forever, and soon we’ll be at the last stop. I love being alive. To be able to breathe and taste and feel. It’s a simple pleasure just to live.
I try to be agnostic, but I don’t believe in an afterlife. This life is your one chance. To do everything right. To do things the way you want to. Think of it this way, and it’s hard to take things for granted. I try my best to take nothing for granted. Maybe that’s why sometimes I do weird things like calling primary school friends I haven’t talked to in years.
So, the idea of a life of journeying is one of the reasons why I like the clichéd pictures with roads.
Another reason is the idea of travelling not as merely a physical movement of bodies, but also as a spiritual journey, a metaphysical introspection. Gosh, I can’t believe I still remember all those terms! It’s another lesson from literature that has helped to shape me into what I am today.
What I’m trying to say is, writing is a tool for self discovery. It helps me understand myself better. I always felt better whenever I wrote down my thoughts. The process helps to sort out the ideas and emotions. It just feels natural to pen down my thoughts.
The title of the blog, ホームシック, means “homesick” in Japanese. Because I’m rootless. I was born in China, spent my childhood in England and am now living in Singapore. All this constant change has lent itself to a certain sense of vertigo when it comes to my sense of identity. I’m looking for a place where I feel at home. It might be a place, or it might not. It might be in the arms of a person, or it might not. I haven’t found it yet.
And so, that explains why the layout is an extension of my beliefs.
[Name] チェン・ユ