And so I’m back from my hometown. Actually I haven’t really had the chance to smell the sweet sweet air of liberty after ORDing yet. Hasn’t really sunk in that it’s finally over and I can shift out of army mode. Feels pretty darn good in a subtle kinda way though.

The state of Shantou, my hometown, was worse than I remembered. The streets were overcrowded with traffic. The motorbikes ignored the traffic lights. Rubbish was being thrown on the streets. I also observed that there is a pretty big gap between the haves and the have-nots. I kept thinking about how good it was to be more relatively privileged than others. And I have observed first hand how troublesome it is for 5 couples of aunts and uncles to take care of my grandparents. By troublesome I mean the amount of time, money and effort put in. My family only has 2 brothers. How are we to cope in the future if we go around chasing fleeting dreams?

So I guess the time for lofty aspirations as a writer and philosopher is over. Must. Go. Earn. Money. So superficial right? Sigh. I guess it’s just the way of the world. Money doesn’t buy you happiness but what it can do is buy you peace of mind. Security.

My mentality towards education has evolved. I used to hold on to ideals that education is for the sake of acquiring more knowledge. Ha. Then I realised that you don’t really learn much from school. It’s just stuff you need to know to pass the exams. I now believe that education is a means to an end. For that ticket to a well paid career. I will study because I need to survive. It’s funny how if you imagined yourself to be poor you’d study harder because you’d have no choice. It’s like a golden opportunity to better your living conditions.

I don’t want to be a have-not. I don’t want to be a mediocre writer who never gets published. I’m going to study econs and go do the thing I hate the most. Work in an office. Because I realised that following your own dreams is a selfish attitude that you’re allowed to have only when you are pampered. I’ve been pampered all my life. It’s time to stop and stand on my own two feet. I mean geez man I’m 21! My salary is going to feed 4 parents, my wife and I, plus ideally 2 of my children. That’s about 8 people. Fuck man. Time to wake up my idea.